Wednesday, January 14, 2009

till i meet her!!!

cant help my anxiety pangs still..
yesterday saw some kind of brownish hued thing on my UG..thoght of all the evil things..
asked hubby to get another HCG kit immediately...
thankfully..i m still pregnant...hopefully healthily pregnant.....
till i meet the gynae., i guess i will keep on doubting my status quo...
fingers crossed.
amen

Monday, January 12, 2009

anxiety pangs!!!!

hey...now that i am nearing my 1.5 months tenure..a check up is due..
and i am kind of not very comfy with that, given my past experiences with docs.
these days, apart from the boob-ache, i have a constant churning feeling in my tummy, whole of it.i get up everyday with the feeling that i have just eaten so much.i start feeling hungry,ammm, not really hungry but i need to eat something after every few hours. and that something cant be just anything.i still cant pinpoint at the foodgroups that i crave for but yeah i am being selective.
one more thing if i take even a wee bit tension, the area around mu uterus starts to ache, so i am trying to be always happy.
other than that there are some pulls which i occasionally feel at the sides of my lower abdomen.
now we plan to visit the gynae coing tuesday and i am sitting with my fingers crossed.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

getting there!!!

its not the first time that i am blooging...
i have tried may hands at it a lots of times and myself deleted the blogs.....
just a few months abck i decided i would start the blog only when i discover that ia m pregnant..
yes you got it right as a slam book for my baby...so that when it grows up it can read and see what all i went through...not for him/her but for myself..
last year same month same time, i was pregnant...we were quite happy...but it was just a phase and we discovered that it was a blighted ovum.
an MTP, followed by medications , checkups, sonographies, there scary interpretations....it seemed that i was god least favorite child..wasnt it perfectly normal to have babies?was it such an ordeal to make them??everybody i knew already had or was expecting and my barttery of docs were infusing me with self pity that mu uterus was retroverted(i didnt know that uteruses can also be fashionable and were following the 70's era...)and was smaller than usual..almost 40%smaller...
there were periods of wait...forced love-making sessions just to be there at the right time..
gosh it was drenching all our leftover romantic elements....
he was very supportive through out...he himself was undergoing a turmoil, but never let me feel it..coz i was the weaker one, the more emotional one,the cry baby.
The new year brought with it a news that we were waiting for.i recently discovered that i am 1 month pregnant, but all i do is pray to god that this time please let all be normal.
we have not told anyone, other than my mother, and that too because she herself dreamt of a baby and in these 3 years of my marriage she has never asked me about my plans for a baby but this time she started the topic and said she had a dream that she was with a very demanding baby.
And ofcourse how can i not mention that sudden moments of secret glory when we were at a friends house and the lady of the house was making rotis. all of a sudden she declared that someone from the 3 of us ladies present in the kitchen was going to have a baby as she had only a small dough ball left in the last...i took it as a divine message.
i wish that i keep writing this blog and keep jotting down my emotions as i progress towards this stage who people call divine and blissful....amen